Your first Michelin-starred meal can feel intimidating. The room is quiet, the staff outnumber the guests, and there are more forks than you know what to do with. The good news is that modern fine dining is far less formal than it used to be, and the staff genuinely want you to enjoy yourself.

Most of the old rules have relaxed. What remains is a small set of courtesies that show respect for the food, the staff and the other guests. Learn those, and the rest takes care of itself.

Before You Arrive: Booking and Dress Code

Book well ahead, because the best restaurants fill weeks or months in advance, and confirm your reservation the day before. Arrive on time: a late arrival disrupts a carefully timed kitchen, and the restaurant may give your table away after 15 or 20 minutes. If you must cancel, do it as early as possible, because many restaurants now charge a no-show fee.

The dress code has softened. Jackets and ties are rarely required any more, but smart dress still is: a collared shirt, smart trousers and closed shoes for men, and the equivalent for women. Avoid sportswear, shorts, flip-flops and strong perfume or cologne, which can interfere with the flavours at neighbouring tables.

At the Table: The Essentials

Your bread plate is on the left and your glasses are on the right. Remember BMW: bread, meal, water, from left to right. The napkin goes on your lap as soon as you sit down, and if you leave the table during the meal, place it on your chair, not on the table. On the table means you have finished.

Work from the outside in with the cutlery, one set per course. Break bread with your hands, not a knife, and butter it piece by piece rather than all at once. Do not season the food before tasting it, and do not ask for ketchup or hot sauce. The chef has seasoned the dish as intended.

Ordering, Wine and the Tasting Menu

Most Michelin-starred restaurants offer a tasting menu, a fixed sequence of small courses chosen by the chef, and an a la carte menu. The tasting menu is usually the better experience, because it shows the kitchen at its best. Tell the restaurant about allergies and dietary needs when you book, not when the food arrives.

Wine pairings are offered with tasting menus and are worth considering if you drink: the sommelier has chosen each glass to match a course. If you prefer to choose, ask the sommelier for a recommendation and a price range. It is perfectly acceptable to order a single glass rather than a bottle, and to ask for water and non-alcoholic pairings.

Phones, Photos and Talking to Staff

Keep your phone silent and in your pocket or bag. A quick photo of a beautiful dish is usually fine, but do not use flash, do not film the whole meal, and do not take calls at the table. Step outside if you must take a call, and keep it short.

Talk to the staff. They can explain dishes, suggest wines and adjust courses for allergies. If something is wrong, say so politely and early, so the kitchen can fix it. Complaining at the end, after you have eaten the dish, helps nobody. And when the meal is over, thank the staff: a genuine compliment reaches the kitchen.

Paying and Tipping

In many countries service is included in the price, and the menu or bill will say so. In the United States, tipping 18 to 20 percent is expected on top. Check the bill before adding a tip, because double-tipping on an already-included service charge is a common mistake.

If the meal was exceptional, a short note to the restaurant or a review online means more to the team than an extra few dollars. And if you were invited, a thank-you message to your host the next day is the final piece of etiquette that people always remember.